The Talk
by LuckyStarPham
Summary: "Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends." Finally, Steve & Catherine can find the time to sort thing out. Post 6.01. Reviews will be appreciated!


**Hello there,**

 _I've been doing a lot of things for McRoll - making videos, doing translation, running fanpages, writing fictions... Writing fictions for them is always something I want to do, but rarely have the nerve to do, because I know I suck at writing in English. I have ideas every day, mostly small ideas, I just wish I could be as nearly talented as my favorite McRoll authors, so that I could do my ideas justice! My good friend, Ms. Inspiration visited me the other night & gave me this idea. I initially didn't intend to write the proposal part, but Ms. Inspiration guided me there. _

_Just wanna shout out a special THANK YOU to all of my favorite McRollers, the one who have been standing "next to me" through all ups and downs over the past two years. I appreciate the friendships I've striken up with all of you :)_

 _Wanna shout out a special THANK YOU to my beloved fictions writers: Njborba, Justine, Mustachey5, FicreaderT, Mayet, Trish & Julie Bellon. You guys are my endless inspiration._

 _Thank you, Alex O'loughlin & Michelle Borth for giving me so much inspiration & love!_

 _Thank you for helping me out by being my beloved beta reader, Paula & Kat. I will never dare to post it without your help._

 _Sorry for rambling!_

 _Thanks for reading and I hope you will enjoy the story! I'd really appreciate if you guys could take time leaving a comment._

 _Disclaimer: All rights reserved for CBS and the managing team of Hawaii 5-0._

 **The Talk**

* * *

"I was kind of hoping that we could talk a little bit this morning", Steve sounds so depressed. Sometimes, especially during moments like this, when spending time with her is all that he wants to do, he just wishes he didn't have a duty to perform.

"We will". Catherine promised.

"Go. Go. I will be here when you get home." She encouraged, offering him a soft smile.

Steve freezes. He looks at Catherine, his eyes gleams with pure happiness. He takes a moment to look at her, taking in her simple answer.

That sounds so promising. The realization hits him. It sounds like a promise, a promise that he has been dreaming about all over those long months. A dream that at some points, he thought that he would have to give up on. A dream that makes his heart clench just thinking about it.

And it is real. Since the day he knew that she wouldn't come back, he started to avoid coming back home. Without her, his house doesn't feel the same. He prefers spending time in his office, only comes home very late, trying not to think of her too much. This house reminds him of so many good memories between them. Every time he goes downstairs, every time he sits on his couch, he can visualize the good times they had when they simply sit there eating together, watching The Notebook, making out, him teasing her, her smacking him, her falling into sleep on his shoulder, him leaning into her trying not to wake her up... Every time he goes into his bedroom, looking at her side on his bed, looking at the book she left on the table, he can't help but wondering if she's missing him as much as he's missing her. Everything inside his house makes him miss her even more, sometimes it becomes really overwhelming.

Yet now, she is really here. His Catherine. Looking stunning in her beautiful blue dress. Lying in his bed. Waking up next to him.

A part of him just wants to curse his phone, to toss it aside this time and continue lying in bed with her, to sort their thing out. Another part of him knows he has to go to work. He smiles at her, leans towards her to steal the last kiss, before finally getting up and getting prepared.

Taking a look back at his house before leaving, Steve smiles at himself. He starts to look forward to coming home again. He thought he'd forgotten that feeling.

The smile doesn't leave him for the whole day. Danny teases him about the spring in his step for the whole day. Even Grover – who has never known about Danny's famous line "stupid smile" from all those years ago, notices him being smiley all day long.

He can't wait until he can finally get home.

Someone important is waiting for him... At home.

When he finally gets home, he's all sore and tired. The case and the whole Kono – Adam situation has really taken a toll on him. Yet he smiles instantly when he opens the door and smells ragu.

Steve silently heads to the kitchen, where he knows she will be. He freezes when he reaches the kitchen, she looks so simple yet beautiful in her shorts and her pink tank top. Steve leans into the door, gratefully watches her cooking. Seeing her in his kitchen still feels like a dream. His mind wanders back to the first day Danny heard about Catherine, and he told him she was a great cook.

She is. She always has been. His favorite cook in the world.

Steve just wishes he could have the power to stop time right here, right there, so that they wouldn't have to confront anything, any talk, there would be nothing preventing them from being happy. He swiftly switches off his phone. It's time to enjoy their alone time. Just him and her. No one else.

"You like the view, sailor?", she speaks up without turning back to see him. Gosh, he loves her voice so much. So soft, so comforting. His heart still skips a heartbeat whenever she calls him that. The third time since she comes back. If only he could hear that every day.

He means it. Every day.

Of course, Catherine can always sense Steve's presence. She knows he got home several minutes ago. She can hear his steps when he reaches the kitchen. He doesn't call her though, probably just watching her. She blushes a little bit, like a high school girl who knows her handsome crush is checking her out from distance.

He comes closer to her, holding her from behind, breathing in her scent, feeling grateful that she has kept her promise. He simply, softly whispers "Thank you", holding back the later part, "for still being here, for not going anywhere."

He reaches over to hold her hand, guiding her hand closer to his mouth. After tasting a bite of ragu, he smiles at her, tightening his grip around her:

"I like this."

"Of course you do. You've always liked ragu. It's comforting, isn't it?"

Ragu has always been her comfort food, not his. But she knows he loves it. She always cooks ragu whenever she's nervous or worried, which she's sure Steve remembers. When she was a little girl, her grandma always made ragu whenever her dad went away, while her mom played Chicago for her. When she grows up, making ragu reminds her of her grandma and that pleasing feeling.

"I like coming home... knowing that you're here. I like you cooking for me... waiting for me to come home", Steve leans down, brushing her hair to one side, gently kissing her star tattoo behind her neck. This simple happiness is something he has longed for, for so long.

Catherine tears up when she hears his shaky voice, no matter how hard he tries to hide the emotion in his voice. She tries to turn around, but Steve keeps tightening his grip, "Don't move. Just give me a moment."

"Steve, I won't just go away. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

She finally turns around, holding his face in her hands. He looks tired, yet somehow... content. He looks so vulnerable right there, in that very moment, which clenches her heart. How could she make that decision to leave him behind? If she had to choose again, she would probably do the same, she just... She tiptoes to kiss him in his right cheek, yet ending up being pulled by him into another deep kiss, which makes her go weak in the knees. Again. This man has always had that power on her.

"You look tired", her fingers reach over his wrinkles in his forehead, gently caressing them.

"I was. It's been a long day. I'm not tired now though."

"The food is ready. Can we talk after dinner?"

"Sure."

He helps her set the table. They sit down on the couch in the living room, just like the day they were about to play the whole "Foxhole fantasy" thing and of course, Doris had to interrupt them. So much for being alone. Steve thinks about his phone being switched off minutes ago, grinning to himself, finally, they can enjoy the "talk". He winces a little bit when he thinks about it. To be honest, regardless of what he told Danny earlier, he is indeed scared.

They sit next to each other in complete silence, eating their own food, each pursuing their own train of thoughts. A comforting silence hangs over the room. Steve tries to postpone the talk as long as possible, yet on the other hand, he wants to sort things out as soon as possible, so that he can be sure that she will stay with him, that she won't just leave him alone, pushing him away, putting the end to their decade long relationship.

"This is amazing. I tried to make ragu when you were away, but it didn't taste the same."

"I'm kind of worried that it doesn't taste good. I didn't leave the house to buy groceries today, so I kinda improvised. You didn't have enough ingredients to make ragu. I was surprised that you had some."

"I always keep some in my fridge. I never gave up hope... that some day, you will come back and make ragu for me... like right now."

"I am here now."

"I told Danny that I wasn't scared...", Steve takes her bowl away from her, putting her bowl into the table, he turns to her. It's time to deal with their inner demons. It's time to wrap the old chapter of their lives, it's about time to write a whole new chapter of their relationship. Whether it will be good or bad, they still have to face it.

"But...", Catherine raises her voice, encourages Steve to continue.

Steve feels so exposed in front of her right now. She's always has the ability to read through him, inside and out, understands him without him having to say anything out loud. It's scary sometimes, especially at the beginning of their relationship – when he was so used to bottling up his emotions and refusing to let anyone to read him, but it's also pleasing to know she still can read him just by looking at him now. Only her.

"I am scared. I am scared that we are not on the same page anymore. I am scared that your answer isn't what I expect to hear. I am scared that you will tell me you're not happy when you're with me."

"Over the past year, there are a lot of things that I'm unsure about. But there is one thing... that I've never had to give it a second thought, that I'm always happy with you. Don't ever doubt that!", she squeezes his hands, she's surprised to realize how shaky his hands are.

"What do you expect me to answer your question: "How long do you want me to stay?""

"I respect your decision. I made a decision once, which clearly affected us... It's unfair to you if I just come back out of nowhere, pretending that we can get back to normal, that nothing's ever changed, asking for your forgiveness..."

"You did nothing wrong, you don't need my forgiveness", Steve's quick to reassure her.

Catherine shakes her head, "I do. It's my fault."

Knowing how stubborn Catherine is, Steve just changes the subject, "If I want you to stay here forever, will you really do that?"

"Yes. If that's what you want."

"Good, that's really good. I want that. I want you to stay." Steve lets out the breath that he hadn't realized he's been holding. The hard part of the "talk" is almost done.

"Will you be happy though?"

"I'm happy right now. Don't ever doubt that!"

The serious look and the serious voice of Catherine reassures Steve more than anything else. Her hands are holding his face, guiding him to look at her. Of course, he doesn't doubt that, not even for a moment. Sometimes, he's just afraid that love isn't enough though. Both of them have serious problems trying to push the people they love away from them, thinking by doing that, they actually can protect those people. He really hopes that she can choose him – her choice – hope that they both can fight for their own happiness, even just one time.

He slowly pulls her in for a slow, gentle, long kiss, as if he's scared that if he kisses her too hard, she will vanish into nowhere. His lips capture hers time after time, until they are both breathless. Her hands on his face seems so right. This isn't just a dream anymore. Their noses touch each other's after parting, breathing in each other's scent.

"You really still got it!" her sentence is affirmative, not a question.

"Good to know that. You still got it too."

"I like that."

"I've never done it with anyone else. I don't think I'll ever be able to". Seriously, how can some people expect him to move on from her, from their relationship? She was the only happiness in his life, she was there for him when no one else was. She came into his life and offered him a friendship that he would never want to lose.

She was his sunshine.

Their foreheads are merely apart. They smile happily at each other, feeling the warmth spreading through their bodies. Another series of kisses are exchanged. It takes forever for them to finally pull part and gasp for breath.

"Catherine, why did you want me to move on? If I've ever blamed you for anything, that's the only thing I can think of. I was so mad at you when you told me that. You sentenced me to a sentence of death without giving me the chance to defend myself... Even after all that, I still love you...", Steve traces his fingers over her lips, gently kissing these lips again. She is irresistible.

He remembers how happy he was when he read her message, saying that she found Najib. Yet the next line was totally a slap into his face, which was worse than any kind of torture he'd ever endured. It's like she ripped his heart apart from his body, it's like someone stabbed him a thousand times into the same place. That unbearable aching feeling was something he never ever wants to experience again.

"I don't want you to sleep alone."

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard, Catherine. Seriously, why did you think so low of me? Really? What do you think I did all those years when you were out there around the world? Do you think I get laid with other girls too?", he raises his voice, his dark eyebrows lifted in surprise, a hint of hurt and anger shown in his voice.

"No. I trust you. I just... I don't want you to have to wake up from the nightmares alone. It kills me to know that you will have to deal with them by yourself, when I'm not there. Even when I was there, right before I left for Afghanistan, you shut me out, you pushed me away, you left the bed in the middle of the night, you slept downstairs on the couch. I know that you were just trying to protect me, trying to not burden me with your nightmares about Freddie, knowing that I had my own nightmares about Billy. And I really appreciated that. I really, really do. But I also want to protect you, you know... I want to take that pain away from you... And if I can't do that, I want someone else to do that for me... to keep you safe..."

"I'm sorry for what I did. But I only want you. I want you to protect me. There wasn't anyone else. Never will be. I don't need anyone else. I don't want anyone else. I'm tired of hearing people trying to convince me to move on, they just don't understand how much you mean to me, how much "us" means to me."

* * *

" _Catherine, don't ever expect me to move on." Catherine got the message from Steve one day after she had sent her message. He didn't try to call her back, didn't text her back immediately. She wondered if he got mad at her. She didn't cry when she sent the text – the text that ruined their relationship. Didn't know why. She just couldn't. Yet suddenly, she burst out crying while reading this simple text from him. Hurting him was never her intention._

" _It's too much to ask you to wait... I don't deserve that." Catherine typed the text, rereading it over and over again, but didn't have the nerve to send. A big part of her just wished he could wait for her, until the day she could get her confidence in her ability back, until the day she could believe she would be able to protect him if they go somewhere together. Who knows when that day will come?_

" _Ding". Another message arrived._

" _I am an adult. I can make my own decisions. Please don't make that decision for me. Whenever you're ready, come back. I'm always here."_

" _No matter what you think, you are worth waiting for."_

" _And it's really not on you. Don't blame yourself!"_

" _Be safe!"_

 _Catherine smiled, it was so him. His messages were always short, sharp, to the point. Her fingers gripped her phone for dear life, as if holding the phone could bring her closer – even just a little bit – to Steve._

 _What has she done?_

 _Steve was so tired. He leaned back against the couch after glaring constantly at his phone screen, secretly hoping she would call back. He got shot, on the same day he received her message. It wasn't his fault, wasn't her fault either, it's just the way it was. The case was pretty hectic. Danny knew about her message, there was something in his eyes that made Steve understand Danny blamed Catherine for what happened to him. Both back in Afghanistan and right in the middle of Oahu, like today. Steve just couldn't stand the accusation in Danny's eyes. He didn't want to talk to Danny, didn't want to hear any accusation from him. He didn't want to spend time with his friends. Not today. He didn't want to show his vulnerability in front of them. Not today. Not like this._

 _He just wished he could be home._

 _Yet no one was waiting for him at home._

 _No one._

* * *

"Steve", Catherine brushes the tears falling down his face, while he's doing the same thing for her.

"A part of me, the cavemen part inside me just wanted to fly over there, dragging your ass back home, locking you inside my bedroom", noticing her soft smile, he knows she's not mad at him for saying that, "but another part of me respects you and your ability too much to do that. I'd rather let you do your own thing than forcing you to come back and letting you hate me. Whatever it is, I just want the best for you, I just want you to be happy."

"You're always honorable like that."

"And miserable. I'm really miserable here without you." He gives her a sad smile, thinking back the past year. There were so many moments that the thought of losing her ate him alive, yet he couldn't just give up hope. The thought of moving on with anyone else, the thought of not growing old with her hurt him more than anything he could ever imagine.

Catherine just can't endure the flash of pain on his face, she draws him in for another deep kiss. They both need these intimate moments. It's really comforting, they really need it to get through this "talk".

"I feel like I'm nothing but people's bad luck. I was the reason why Billy died. I was the reason why you were captured and tortured. I failed both of you."

"No. I've never blamed you. It wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I never did. I told you that, and I meant what I said, and I will keep saying that until you believe it", it kills him to see how she's struggling, how she's been living with the guilty thing eating her alive. He just wishes that he could endure all the pain and guilty for her. If only he could take all that away from her, just let her be happy. "I blamed myself for not being able to support you, be there for you."

"No, Steve, don't do that!"

"And you're not anyone's bad luck. Don't ever think that way! You're everything good in my life. I know it sounds cliché, I know you will think you're too smart to fall for that, but I do think that. Danny told me you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't normally agree with him on anything, but I do agree with him on that. Even when I was captured and tortured by Wo Fat, your smile was always in my head. You were the reason why I kept fighting. I kept thinking: I have to make it back to you, just like the good old days – when we were both in the Navy. You've always been _that_ reason. I kept thinking: what if I don't make it, what if I die that day, what if you come back from Afghanistan and find out that I'm dead, I kept thinking about how scared you would be, how frustrated you would be, how guilty you would be... I just couldn't die. I was pretty out of it that day, I didn't remember much, but I remember seeing you in the alternative reality. You're the only _stability_ in my _unstable_ life. Always."

Sensing her tremble fingers on his knees, Steve holds her hands, drawing her hands closer to his lips, kissing her trembling knuckles, pulling her in, kissing all the tears on her beautiful face, "I remember that I was kinda jealous with that happily married Danny, which evoked the thought inside of me... that I should ask you to marry me. I even remember telling Danny that I was seeing someone and hopefully, we would get there some day. Ever since, I really want to do it, and do it right. Whatever world I am in, you're always my first thought. When I woke up, I asked for my dad, I asked for you, just to receive the answer that my dad died 4 years ago, and you weren't even there. For a moment, I wish I could just stay in that alternative reality. It seems so much happier with dad, with you... But it wasn't real anyway..."

"Wow, that right there... was really a good talk", Steve thinks to himself. He'd opened up to her like he never had before. Steve had never felt more exposed than in this very moment. He has no secrets, no inner thoughts to hide when he's with her. There isn't anyone else who can share these things with him. The way her small, warm hands circle his back, the way she tries to kiss all the tears away... melts his heart. She's the only human being that he's totally comfortable to show his vulnerable side to. She is that special. His Catherine. His voice of reason. His ground. His anchor. His everything.

Catherine pulls him to stand up, leads him upstairs, into their bedroom. Their bedroom. He's so proud to use that word again. There were times when he thought he would never be able to call it that. Whatever happens, happens. He's so thrilled to have the woman he loves more than anything back, back to his world, back to his bed, back to his arm.

After rounds of sensual love-making, they lean back on the headboard, wrapping themselves in each other's arms. Catherine's head placed on Steve's right shoulder, her fingers tracing over his new scars. She gently kisses all of the new scars she can spot. For now. Her eyes are teary again. She just wishes she could do something for him.

"It's nothing, Catherine, it's not on you", Steve catches her hand, placing it in his heart. When she tries to resist, making effort to get back to his scars, he pulls her hand to his lips, kissing the inside of her palm, smiling at her: "You know what, I like this. I don't do this often, right? I should have done this more often".

Another kiss on her palm.

Another kiss on her eyes.

Another kiss on her nose.

Another kiss on her cheek.

Another kiss on her forehead.

Another kiss on her sweet lips.

"Don't try to distract me! It matters to me", her fingers wander back to his scars.

"Sailor, is there anything I can do for you, to make it better?", she tries to smile at him, but he can see the guilty and pain in her sad eyes, which clenches his heart.

"Marry me."

"Steve...", that surprises Catherine. When she came back, she wasn't even sure where their relationship stood. She certainly didn't expect him to accept her back into his life that quick, let alone... A _proposal_.

"Just asking... you know...", Steve tries to downplay the whole situation, but she can see the nervousness in his eyes.

She smiles at him. He swears, he had never ever seen any woman with a more stunning smile than this woman lying in his arms.

"Let's build a family together, sailor."

"So... is that a yes?"

"Do you expect me to say "No"?"

"Of course not, silly."

"So now I'm not only stubborn, but also silly, isn't it?"

"Tell me "Yes", Catherine. I need to hear."

"How can I say "No"? Yes. Yes. Yes", she snuggles closer to him, gives him the sweetest kiss, stealing his breath away.

"Is that it?"

"Yes, that's it."

His whole face lights up in a smile. Out of nowhere, Steve pulls out a velvet red box. Catherine has no idea where he had hidden it before. Steve has this goofy smile in his face, grinning like an idiot, as if he's so proud of this magic trick. He thinks of Doris when they played this trick last year – when they were doing an op together.

"Steve..."

"Open it."

"Steve..."

He pulls the ring out of the box, slides the ring onto Catherine's wedding finger. He doesn't realize the tears in his eyes until his future wife leans over to wipe them away. He catches her hand, once again, kissing her new ring.

"Steve, it's beautiful."

"I guess this means you're stuck with me now. You're not getting off that easy", he whispers, his voice still sounds so emotional, as if he couldn't believe this day was actually happening.

"I think you just stole my line right there."

"You are mine. I can steal whatever I want, can't I?"

"You're so handsome, and smart, and very naughty, sailor."

"Promise me. Now you can't just leave me. If you have to leave, I will be with you."

"Promise."

"I love you, Mrs. McGarrett."

"Is this the part when I'm supposed to say "I love you, Mr. Rollins?"", she teases him, her heart hasn't recovered from beating so hard after the bomb word. She's been waiting for so long. "Mrs. McGarrett."

"Does every couple do that?"

"I don't know. You know what, I like my new name."

"I love you, Lieutenant Mrs. McGarrett."

"I love you, Commander Mr. McGarrett."

"I've never stopped."

"I never will".

* * *

Both of them fall into a deep sleep. Last night was such an unforgettable night for them. He wakes up, being greeted with the sight of her, naked and beautiful, peacefully sleeping in his arms. Such a sight for sore eyes to wake up to! Steve just can't recall any moment that he had been any happier than this. Falling asleep and waking up to see Catherine – the love of his life. Even until now, his heart is still swollen with love and happiness.

He just can't stop grinning whenever he thinks of last night. They had such a long, meaningful talk.

" _You're so romantic, you know..."_

" _So your idea of me being romantic is that I propose to you when we are both naked, in bed, after having sex?"_

" _Yes, I have quite low standards now, don't I?. It's strange that I find it incredibly romantic, isn't it?"_

" _You know what my idea of "romantic" is?"_

" _Enlighten me, Commander."_

" _From now on, if I get shot, if one day, I wake up in the hospital, you will always be there with me. I won't be lonely anymore. How romantic!"_

" _You know... you're the only man I've ever known who can make that scenario sound so romantic like that. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you whenever you got shot. I'm here now."_

 _It kills her to realize that he's right. She wasn't there for him in the past, she wasn't there when he needed her the most. Catherine admits that it will take her a very long time to get over this guilty thing._

" _I am not accusing you, Cath. We have a very long future to look forward to. Don't look back! Look at where we are. Look at how we will build a life together. That's all that matters."_

Catherine smiles, knowing that Steve is already awake and is watching her. She doesn't mind being watched by him at all. Actually, she really enjoys that feeling.

From this moment onwards, she really becomes a part of him. Even her name changes into a part of his name.

From this moment onwards, she really can call Steve her "husband".

And they do have a future to look forward to!

* * *

P.S: I "stole" ithinkitscatchy on Twitter's line: **"She is the only stability in his unstable life".** Somehow, this simple statement gets stuck inside my head & I keep thinking abt it! I hope you don't mind ^_^


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